currently - october 14th

time: 7:15 p.m.

location: my incredibly comfortable couch in my living room

drinking: nothing right now.  Should probably have one more glass of water tonight.

eating: a Tootsie Pop.  I keep a jar full on the kitchen counter for when I'm craving sugar.

watching: Love It or List It....This has become a nightly ritual.  Although I'm over the predictable drama of "We need to replace the plumbing/heating/structural system of this house which means we can't do all of the renovations we promised you."  Just once I would love to see them take all of the money they are given and just put it towards making the house amazing.  That would be a shocking reveal.

feeling: determined.  My budgeting/saving is going well.  My guy and I are working on keeping one another accountable in terms of eating better.  Granted, I have to pep talk myself daily, but hey....you do what you have to do.

loving: quiet time.  Work is pretty hectic (that's not new) and when I get home, quiet is all I'm craving.  This past weekend, I don't think I turned on the television or any music for about a day and a half.

thinking: about phone calls I have to make.  I hate calling places to set up appointments.  I have no idea why.  But it means that I put things of for far too long.

making:  I just prepped lunches and dinners for the next couple of days.  I'm in the middle of a sewing project that has been put aside for a couple of days out of frustration.  

wanting: just one more hour in each day.  Okay, maybe two.

needing: to make those calls.

show me the money

I want to make a change.  One that requires quite a bit of money.  (How is that for being vague?  I am not talking surgery of any sort.  In fact, it would be a temporary change, but one that I think is well worth the money it would require.)

So this means that for the next year, or possibly longer, I need to live as cheaply as possible.  Interesting timing, given that I am less than one year into a new mortgage.  Even more interesting considering that I already live quite cheaply on a day-to-day basis.

My car is paid for.  I eat out only a few times each month.  I don't have any extravagant hobbies.  I've been watching Til Debt Do Us Part for years and live off of cash, using a system very similar to Gail's jars.

Regardless, I still need to find a few more places to cut costs.

I do have a weakness for shopping.  Usually I deal with this by simply not going to the mall.  It is pretty much a given that if I do go to pick something up, I will end up seeing a scarf, necklace, or shirt that I fall in love with and buy without hesitation.  In reality, I have very little need for any type of clothes at this point.  So, impromptu shopping is out.

Cut my cable?  Perhaps.  I am almost down to just the basic package now, but there is still one "entertainment" add-on that could go.  Restaurants will officially be for special occasions only, and good-bye $6 cocktails, hello water.

Grocery shopping is an area where I oddly spend a lot more money than I should.  I rarely get through all of the food I buy before something is going bad, and this is awful for more than one reason.  More diligent meal planning will hopefully help.  Can I become a couponer?  Not sure I have that in me, but I can always try.

Truth be told, I have been considering buying a new car, but that plan has been scrapped.  I will need to put a bit of money into my current car, but that should end up buying me at least three more years without a new car payment, so I'm okay with that trade-off.

I have two trips coming up in the next year.  Both of which are basically bought and paid for, other than our food and entertainment - I'll have to be smart about those.

Beyond those things, I am at somewhat of a loss.  I don't think I have much/anything to sell.  I have a pretty lame (and cheap) cellphone plan.  The hours/obligations of my job don't really leave room for a second one.

Welcome to my new frugal life.

back to the beginning

Confession: I am probably the most out of shape skinny person you have ever met (not that we've met, but...you know).

There was a time that I was in shape - went to the gym three or four times each week, could hold my own in almost any of the classes there, was starting to maybe just maybe become a bit of a runner, took a hip hop dance class once a week, and actually saw muscle definition on my small frame.

Then life happened.  My grandfather spent over six months slowly dying in a hospital, work became a lot to deal with, I started dating a new guy....time for the gym fell away.  And then I got hurt.

I'm leery to even admit what happened because it's so lame, but in an effort to be honest.....a vacuum cleaner did me in.  Long story short, I moved and the base that weighed down with water stayed still.  I twisted as I moved and (since I had already fallen out of shape) something in my back didn't like the motion and subsequent jerking backwards.

I was in physiotherapy for months trying to relieve the pressure on a nerve and get all the parts of my lower spine back into place and working with one another instead of against one another.  It started to affect the muscles in my upper legs and even my knees started to have problems.  I was a mess and pretty much in constant pain.  This was about seven years ago (I actually had to do the math on that just now and feel even worse about this whole situation knowing just how long it has dragged on).

Eventually, my body returned to a semi-normal physical state.  Although I didn't realize at the time that after injury, muscles are incredibly weak, and it wasn't long before I was back to see my physiotherapist for another prolonged amount of time.  I swear that I helped her to build the new house she's living in.... This injury was slightly different and really boiled down to having little to no core strength left.  I couldn't carry things that I thought I could and expect all of the pieces of my back/hips to stay in proper alignment.  But this time, I bucked the system.  I didn't do the exercises and stretches at home that I was supposed to.  I foolishly believed that a good stretching and some strengthening once a week would get me by.

Not surprisingly, it didn't.  But I didn't change my ways until a random conversation with a coworker.  We were talking about his former job as an athletic therapist, and he commented that part of the reason he changed professions was the frustration with clients who lied about doing their "homework" between sessions and then wondered why there was no change.  "You guys could tell?" I asked (horrified.....he had no idea that I was one of those people).  I started stretching at home that night.

The last four or five years have been the same cycle - go to physio when things hurt, get back on track and back into place, stop physio, attempt to work out, get hurt, go back to physio, and repeat.  In there, I've had an MRI (just to make sure this all is in fact still muscular) and realized the power of a really good anti-inflammatory on a really bad day.  I don't do things that I know will aggravate my back - like pushing a full shopping cart, and in pain or not, I have a stretching routine that I do every morning.  A chiropractor has always been off-limits for me...I don't like when my bones crack involuntarily, let alone pay someone else to make it happen.

My nemesis for years now has been squats.  I don't actually hate squats, in fact I used to really like them.  But I no longer have the muscle strength to do them without injury.  Believe me, I've tried (and ended up in physio each time).

This summer I've been slowly working to change this path.  I've talked to my physiotherapist about the progression of exercises that need to happen before I can actually "work out" again.  I'm hoping to get some sort of actual long-term plan in place with her this week.  Or at least find out where and with whom that should happen.  But man....is it going to be a long, slow road.  Right now, I am absolutely the person who needs the 2 lb weights for most upper body exercises (this long without physical activity and everything loses power).  Three sets of ten rehab-type exercises on my lower body is an unreachable goal some days.  Hell, if I walk too quickly on a treadmill, things fall out of alignment (I'm good walking outside though where I control my speed).

The fact is, I'm tired of feeling the way that I do on a daily basis (weak, physically incapable, and only moments away from injury).  And while annoying, these problems with my lower back/hips are not unsolvable.  I just have to consistently and carefully do the work.  In no way is this going to become a fitness blog, but maybe there is something to the idea of making a public declaration - public in the sense that my guy and maybe one or two others will read this.  I want to be strong.  I want to know that I'm strong.  For vanity-sake, I want to look strong.  Due to my job, I will never post progress pictures here, but the "before" ones have been taken.  I am starting to work towards the "after".

march book review

Halfway through the month of March, I decided that reading needed to become more of a priority for me again.  It is one of those things that I will immediately push aside when something else comes up, or time that I will forfeit in exchange for sleep at the end of a long day.

That stack of library books that I took a picture of in this post?  I've slowly started working my way through it.  Some have already been renewed because my goal was a bit lofty, but I'll get through them.

The first one that I finished was Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling.  I loved her on The Office.  I had no idea that she was also a writer of the show (that tells you how little I look into the television shows that I enjoy).  This book was a great light read - if I only had five minutes to spare while I was eating a sandwich, it was fine because there was no plot to dive into or characters to keep track of.  I thought that it was humourous, but not funny.  I didn't laugh out loud very often, and I wanted to.  After listening to Bossypants by Tina Fey on my iPhone while I was out walking and literally having to stop and put my hands on my thighs because I was doubled over from laughing so hard (yes, out in public, by myself....great visual), I wanted to laugh like that at this book as well.  And I didn't.  That's not to say Mindy Kaling isn't funny, because she obviously is, I just wanted this book to be a bit funnier.

The second book that I read from that stack was Butter by Erin Jade Lange.  It's a young adult novel, so I read this partially for work, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Young adult novels are usually pretty quick to get through, and even though this one was longer than most, it was no exception.  An easy read for an adult, but such an interesting plot.  Without giving away too much, the main character - Butter - is an obese teenager who, after a very bad day at school, creates a website where he announces that he will end his life on New Years Eve with one final (extreme) meal.  The majority of the book deals with his classmates' (note: not friends, but classmates) reactions, as well as his own reactions to what he has decided to do.  There are a few different paths that the plot could take towards the end of the book, and Lange does a great job of not making the ending obvious.

I still have quite a few library books to get through, but next on my list is Crime and Punishment (also for work).  I've started to read Animal Vegetable Miracle at the same time as well.  A person can only take so much psychological drama in one sitting...

a weekend in vancouver

I am not much of a traveller.  Sometimes I wish that I was, but the fact is that I am a homebody and after four or five days away, I usually just want my own kitchen, my own bed, and my own stuff back.

Since I don't like being away from home for long periods of time, but still love to explore new places, I have become pretty good at weekend trips.  Give me three days in a city, and I'll attempt to get to most of the major tourist attractions.  I absolutely get that this robs me of the thrill of finding amazing spots that locals have come to love, but for now, I'm okay with that.  I'm pretty much the quintessential tourist - major art galleries and museums, local zoos or aquariums, that "thing" that all tourists get their picture taken in front of, and of course, some magnet/keychain/tchotchke purchases.  But frankly, I think there is usually a reason why these things become tourist attractions in the first place, so I like to see them and find out why.

A few weeks ago, my guy and I went to Vancouver.  I had never been before (but always wanted to go) and he hadn't been since he was much younger, so it was a good place that was nearby and full of spots to explore.

When we arrived, it was snowing.  Wet, heavy snow.  And we were not prepared for that.  We had just left -30 something in Winnipeg and were positive that Vancouver would be so much warmer.  Well....when you're soaked with wet snow, +1 can still be pretty cold.  So it took us a bit of time to adjust (i.e. dress properly - including a stop at a Winners for me to buy some tights) and get used to carrying an umbrella constantly, but once we figured that out, we were good to go.

The weekend looked something like this...

The amazing view from our hotel room
(The Hyatt Regency Vancouver - I completely recommend staying there)

The gorgeous Vancouver Public Library (because places full of books that also happen to be very cool pieces of architecture make me very happy).

The Granville Market

The harbour outside of the market (still snowing out)

Stanley Park in the morning (yup...in the snow)

At the Vancouver Aquarium

Despite the constant snow (it literally stopped snowing about three hours after our plane home took off), we had a fantastic time. And still discovered that Vancouver is a beautiful city....we'll just make sure that the next time we go back is in the summer, when there's more of a chance of sunshine.

full throttle

Some people go through life on a pretty even setting - they don't get worked up over many things.

I'm not one of those people.  Sometimes I wish that I was - at least when I have to deal with stressful or upsetting situations.  When I get really mad about something, I cry.  Some people express their anger through yelling....I sob.  Not by choice.  Life would probably be much simpler if I didn't overreact to situations and the actions of other people.  Give me a few minutes and I'm calm again, but my initial reactions....not always good.

But on the other side of that coin is the fact that when something good happens, I thoroughly enjoy it.  I get excited about little things in life - and I'm not just saying that to use a tired cliché - getting to have dinner with a friend, getting home in time to catch my favourite tv show after a long day at work, finding out that something that I need to buy is on sale - all instances that will make my day better.

I recently took a trip with my guy to Vancouver, and last week we were talking about some of the memorable moments from that weekend.  He said that one of his best memories was my "unbridled enthusiasm" that he witnessed over and over again, whether it was at seeing beluga whales or figuring out the subway system or buying the perfect souvenir.  The weekend was filled with new sights and experiences and I'm pretty sure I was elated for most of it (once I got over walking around in the pouring rain all day long....I can admit that I was pretty grumpy about that at first.  I bundled up and got over it though).

If the flip side to getting (potentially) overly upset or stressed out about something is that I get to feel more excited and happy about things that might not actually be that exciting, then I think I'll take it.  So much of life could be filed under "completely mediocre".  Maybe my reactions to everyday events are a bit extreme, but I would rather do a happy dance in the grocery store when I find out the paper towels are on for half price than not dance about anything at all that day.

I'll just be sure to keep some Kleenex on hand too.

a simple word....a complicated idea

The prompt: Spirit

"Meditation, prayer, gratitude, faith, comfort. How is this a part of your day? Do you pray? Meditate? Express daily gratitude? Go to church or participate in another sort of faith community? If none of this is a part of your life, think about where you find meaning and comfort. What does that look like in your life?"

I can say yes to some of the questions in this prompt. I can say "I don't know" to others.

I know that I think spirit doesn't have to mean a religious practice with regular attendance at church. But I know that for some people, that's exactly what it means.

I know that I see people who take great comfort in their beliefs, and that I sometimes wish that I held as much faith in something that brought me such assurance in the times that I need it.

I know that taking time to acknowledge the things I am grateful for each day is important to me and it has an impact on how I view the events and people in my life.

I know that meditation is hard, but something I should probably work at.

I know that I believe in being mindful, and I think that it can affect a person's spirit.

I don't know exactly what I believe "spirit" to be. I cannot define it or describe it.

I don't know exactly where I stand in terms of religion.

I don't know how to put blind faith in something that cannot be proven, isn't tangible, or cannot be explained.

I don't know how to quiet my mind or be patient when I attempt to meditate. Song lyrics start running through my mind (on a loop sometimes) and no matter how many times I acknowledge them and center back on my breathing, they start up again.

I know that spirit matters. I know that taking care of your spirit is important. I also know that I don't have it figured out yet.

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Prompt #4 in Ali Edwards' class "31 things" through Big Picture Scrapbooking is spirit.